Reviewed: Time Warner Cable Service Representative, Unknown Male

I’m not even going to get into the whole, “but they said they were coming today” and “I waited a week for this appointment” and “it is still doing it, even if I reboot the box” and “don’t make me reboot the box again, I’m telling you that doesn’t fix it” and “for English, press 1.”

At 3:30 Angelique assured me that the reboot would fix it. I tried to trust her, even though I knew it wouldn’t. I even implored her to just stay on the phone with me a little bit longer until it started f-ing up again so that she could then send someone out. Thirty seconds after she hung up, it f-ed up again.

So I called back and got Unknown Male, let’s just call him Reeve, since that’s probably the exact opposite of what his name actually was. Reeve mumbled, “Remind me to tell you about our (unintelligible). This is (unintelligible), can I help you.” I explained the whole story to him, and then he interrupted me and said, “(unintelligible) next appointment is Tuesday between 8 and 6.”*

I said, “Actually, that’s not going to work for me. I need someone to come out today. Can I speak with someone else who can help me with this?”**

Reeve said, “Whatever” and transferred me to the weird hold music.

1 Star. I’m crying. I’m seriously crying.

*Numbers may be exaggerated.
**Implied calm and reasonable tone and diction may be exaggerated.