It's Day 2 of my No-Sugar Life Betterment Plan and I just microwaved some popcorn, which is odd because I absolutely hate popcorn. A lot of things aren't making sense since I stopped eating sugar. Last night I almost burst into tears when Joe forbade me from drinking lemonade with dinner. We were having shrimp quesadillas and I kept whining, "But lemonade goes perfect with this!"
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
It's been a while since I had to pull out my old college days constantly-offended feminism, and yesterday when I went reaching for it, it was barely there. I was, and remain, completely horrified at myself.
Monday, April 20, 2009
This show really should just be called Boobs and Muscles II. And I'm totally disappointed in myself because I hadn't watched MTV for about 6 months! My life was better for it! I'm definitely "too old for that sh*t". Too many flashy graphics and commercials for text message astrology. Too many frat-boy jokes. Too much winning useless uber-hip electronics for doing nothing.
Friday, April 10, 2009
1. Speed Racer starring Emile Hirsch, Christina Ricci, and (excitement!) Street from Friday Night Lights...whose Rex Racer gets plastic surgery to look like Matthew Fox (ugh, see left).
2. The Unusuals, Wednesdays @ 10pm, ABC.
Combined 170 stars.
Monday, April 6, 2009
I'm not going to be coy here. You don't need to scroll down to see the star rating, because it would feel wrong to withhold the vital information that this is the
Worst. Show. Ever.
I might even see about getting TLC permanently removed from my cable box.
Yesterday was hangover TV day, which meant an afternoon of movies like Speed Racer (review to follow), The River Wild, and whatever else came on HBO since it hurt too much to find the remote. But then something happened where I started out watching a home improvement show on TLC and next I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant came on.
The dramatizations on this show are even worse than the glory days of Rescue 911. (How do they cast these roles? Is there a special corner in LA where all the dramatization actors wait for casting directors to come by in a pickup truck?)
Here's what happened on last night's show: (Warning: I summarized the following to Joe last night and he made me stop before he threw up.) An overweight woman starts having severe abdominal pain. She goes to the emergency room, where they send her home with muscle relaxers, but the pain doesn't stop. The next day she goes to her chiropractor, who does some funky magic medicine which also does not help relieve her pain. That night, she wakes up with intense pain. She gets up and runs to the bathroom.
Okay. Here is where they show a woman sitting on the toilet in her nightgown. The voiceover is of the real woman saying, "I felt the most intense pressure and urge to push something out of me. I kept pushing and pushing to get it out, and all of a sudden it came out and all the pain was gone." The dramatization shows an actor resembling the woman's husband come into the bathroom. The actress resembling the woman is on the toilet and the actor resembling the husband stares at her. Then the voiceover says, "I heard a cry."
The actress resembling the woman looks at the actor resembling the husband and says, "Did you hear that?" He says, "No."
The actress stands up from the toilet in her nightgown and turns around. Close-up of a bloody infant head peeking out of the toilet. Both actors stare in horror before the woman picks the baby out of the toilet and cradles it to her, exclaiming, "Oh, I love you, my baby!"
Gross. Just....gross. Gross to the reality of that situation, gross to the horrific dramatization, gross to TLC for following these images with footage of the real mother cradling her surprise toilet baby in the park and smiling.