Reviewed: Passive-Aggressive Postal Carrier Battle

So yesterday my mailman started a quiet war that I will not retire from a loser. Apparently in Brooklyn there are rules about brownstones—if it is zoned as a single-family residence they only deliver mail to one box. The first time I called the post office to ask that my mail be delivered to me instead of my upstairs neighbors, they said to just put a box on my door and it would happen. So I did. Two weeks later with still no mail, the mailman tells me this supposed “rule.” I said, “You can’t just walk two feet over to deliver to my box?” and he gave me a haughty “no.”

Yesterday my neighbors had a package that was too big for their tiny mail slot. The mailman put my mail in their slot, THEN WALKED THE TWO EXTRA FEET and deposited their too-big package into my box, thus insuring that the duty to deliver their package suddenly fell to me.

Oh, it’s on.

77 Stars. The mailman fired first. I’m stealthily waiting to initiate my barrage.