Reviewed: Essie Berry Hard Nail Polish

So you know how celebrities have tired of the formerly super-hip trend of short nails with black polish and are now moving on to the current super-hip trend of short nails with white polish? Well, they can bite me because I’m completely in love with my own self-proclaimed trend of dark red polish. At first I used some crummy Revlon that chipped like a son of a gun, but yesterday I stumbled upon Essie’s Berry Hard.

It’s a shade darker than 8th grade’s “look I just colored my nails with this magic marker”, and shiny as hell. It hasn’t chipped yet and I’m on day three. My hands don’t even look like they belong to me. They look like they belong to a beautiful, charming vixen that Jude Law is completely in love with.

Even the lady getting her nails done next to me was jealous. I know this because she kept staring at my nails. Then she told her manicurist, “That’s really pretty. I’m jealous.”

Okay, fine. I made up that last part. But still, 77 Stars.