Reviewed: Netflix

I’m sure you’re expecting to read an “I love Netflix!” review because everyone loves Netflix and why would I go against the flow and report that Netflix really isn’t as fantastic as everyone says it is. So fine, I’m not (going to go against the flow) and I won’t (expose Netflix’s hideous flaws.)

…but come on, guys, it really isn’t. Don’t lie. You know you kept looking at your queue, same as me, when The Departed was listed as a “long wait” for weeks and weeks. Don’t deny it that the same thing happened with Blood Diamond. Sure, I’ll allow for the fact that maybe there is an inordinately large population of Leo-lovers surrounding my distribution center, but then it happened with Volver, too. Leo isn’t even in that.

My disappointment is probably my own fault, considering my expectation for their recommendation feature (a bunch of people with Tarantino-like movie brains personalizing your selection) is way higher than the most likely reality (a computer program that matches keywords and actors, recommending Son of the Mask and Are We There Yet?)

On the other hand they really do have anything, even Micki and Maude, which was my all-time favorite movie as a kid. Weird, I know, but I had a thing for Dudley Moore.

51 Stars. I’m sticking with it, since I’m still avoiding the late fees on my account at Blockbuster. Two years and counting, suckas.