Reviewed: Miss Sixty New Shelly Pump in Brown

Yesterday the lemon that is my apartment was infiltrated by a dust haze from the demolition work going on two floors below me. The dust was so thick I couldn't properly see across my living room, and my body was rebelling from inhaling, so I decided to get the heck out. I could have gone down the street to the cafe on the corner, got a cafe au lait and worked on my book edits, but instead I decided to go to the shoe basement at Century 21 where I purchased some new Miss Sixty oxford heels.

They were marked down to 49.99 from 159.99, so what is that, like, 70%? I hate wasting time doing math.

I shouldn't have bought them. I should go return them right now. The economy sucks and it is getting worse. Everyone is losing their jobs. No one wants to publish books right now. I only make about $150 a week at my current job. Fifty dollars could buy me food or pay down some of my credit card debt. Fifty dollars could feed a bunch of starving kids for a year, I think. Because of all of these reasons, I am a maniac for refusing to relinquish them.

They are just so pretty.

70 Stars.

Reviewed: Rachel Ray's Cast Iron Reversible Grill/Griddle in Green

A few months ago I received the cookware set consisting of pots and pans. They are really pretty to look at and make me feel like a person who cooks dinner rather than ordering in for almost every meal. By this point I have used each piece at least once and have found they do cook evenly and nothing sticks to the bottom. In order to protect the paint and non-stick coating they must be hand washed. This is a drawback to using them. Despite this, I became obsessed with getting the rest of the set and making restaurant-quality grilled cheese sandwiches. My prayers were answered and I received the griddle/grill for Christmas.

Boy, was I disappointed! The main reason to have this expensive cookware is the looks, and my griddle came with the majority of paint chipped off the corners. When I picked it up to inspect the damage more paint chips fell into my lap. Since the griddle was a gift from Rusty's parents I did my best to hide the bare corners and then quickly put it in the cupboard with the rest of the set. Although they had purchased it for me, they did so over the internet with the help of R-Man. If it were to be returned we would be the ones to do it, therefore there was no reason to upset them.

In the end we decided to just keep the busted up thing because we wouldn't have to be careful with it. After grilling or griddling I could just throw it in the dishwasher rather than scrubbing it with my baby soft hands. 

Also, I wanted a sandwich. 

So far we've made some grilled cheese, grilled some pork chops, and griddled some pancakes. The thing gets really hot and cooks as evenly as the cookware. Overall, there are no complaints about the cooking which is that main purpose of the piece I suppose. Since there is no scrubbing involved in the clean-up, we use it more now than any other piece.

70 stars: It cooks amazingly, but the chips still anger me when I see them. I should have sent it back in attempt to get a discount or free stuff.

Reviewed: July

It's so not fair that a grumpy (not even) two weeks can ruin a whole month. And I'm still on the path of misery, since I said I was going to go to the gym today and I still didn't do it. I suppose I still could, but that might put me in a better mood and I'm so cranky I can't imagine being in one. It was a little under two weeks ago that I got back from a really great vacation in Florida and wish I was still there.

July is usually one of my favorite months. Nice and hot and you go on vacation or you think about vacation and you sometimes even do things you don't usually do, like outdoor concerts or playing frisbee. You get to wear sundresses! And sandals! And sunglasses (RayBan tortoise-shell wayfarers--exciting!) And at night when it cools down a bit you roam around the city and it's different and you love it and you think it will never feel the same again...but then the very next night when it cools down it does, and that's an even better feeling.

This is the first July that I've started to feel old. Not old old. But you know, like that shelf on your shoulders now holds a lot more stuff. And then yesterday after 8 hours on my feet at work I noticed that my heels were dry. This morning when I shamefully (vainly) confessed to Joe he joked, "Uh-oh, do you need a ped-egg?" Ew! No way!

The point is, it's not something I ever had to worry about. For one thing, for seven years I lived an hour from the beach where the natural wonder of sand kept my soles youthfully soft. (I miss the beach.) But now I get it why they do all that buffing and lotioning and heel waxing in a pedicure, and not only do I get it but I friggin' need it. I remember my mom complaining about this fact of nature, buying fancy lotions to rub on her feet, but it was one of those things I only half-heartedly listened to. Advice I didn't need.

July, you jerk. Or maybe, it's just New York. All that walk, walk, walking around and then walking around some more. When it's hot I'd rather kill myself than descend into the smothering heat of waiting for the subway underground. Ick. I miss the Julys of my youth, driving around the midwest in my oil-slurping old jeep with the top off, playing stupid cat-and-mouse games with idiot rednecks, laughing it up like we were so above it all, and most of all, that long drive home alone, through the cornfields and the crickets and up the gravel driveway to my house where everyone was asleep, and I'd turn off the engine and walk inside and the stars would be so crazy up there and bright like hell.

Aw jeez, it's 70 stars for the difference of 8 million more people and 10 years later.

Reviewed: Tommy Donnelly

Let's get one thing straight: The show isn't good. First of all, it introduces too many characters in the first episode making it impossible to really care about any of them. The narrator, Joey Ice Cream's presence and subsequent disappearance in some scenes is neither funny nor necessary. Sometimes they have New York accents and sometimes they sound a bit Irish, and other times they sound like any other person on television with a trained non-accent.

Oh, and they use the same story line in every episode. How many times is Jenny going to tell some guy she loves him, sleep with him, and tearfully leave him in the morning? Better yet, how many girls are "the one" for Tommy? So far we have Jenny, the wife of the guy he killed, and some other dude's wife in tonight's episode. The show will be cancelled in a couple of weeks and I know I will succumb to buying it on DVD. Why? Because of Tommy Donnelly.

He looks innocent, but there is blood on his shirt. He absolutely loves his mom and will do anything for her, which directly means that he will be completely devoted to me, once I snag him. And look at his brothers, (okay, not the older one with the limp, or that other one that looks like couldn't pass an elementary reading test, but the youngest one) if Tommy were to ever die in the melee, one of them would have to take care of me, right? AND, Tommy draws; he's a sensitive guy.

70 stars. I used to think I was a pretty decent judge of good and bad TV, but the Black Donnellys has sucked me in thanks to a hot lead male and my ever present desire to be right on the peripheral of the Irish Mob.

Reviewed: Wristbands

Unlike sorority girls and hipsters who collect their bands like bangles, I actually can and do find scissors. Even in drunken moments of frustration I can usually summon the strength to tear it off my body. After all, it’s only paper coated in wax, or sometimes, flimsy plastic. Getting one off doesn’t even qualify as resourcefulness.

70 Stars. Because age should be an accessory, not a brand.