Reviewed: Mystery, the “pick-up artist”

Even though probably 80% of my girlfriends had serious criticism for VH-1’s new reality show, The Pick-Up Artist, I withheld judgment and kept watching because of the part where half the guys admitted they were still virgins, including the 45 year-old Fred. (!! Reality TV at its finest!!) And I secretly harbored what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-me crushes on J-Dog and Matador. But last night Mystery lost me forever when he sent home Scott, the tall geeky blond that reminded me of Zeff Zemones* from high school, in favor of Pradeep.

Sure, Scott’s practice kiss looked like a 90 year-old man tonguing an ice cream cone, and he seems to be a little too fond of the “Do you floss before or after you brush?” pick-up line, but if anyone needs a little self-confidence, a little loosening up, it's Scott. He tried like hell and didn’t lie and scheme as Pradeep attempted to do. It isn’t the first time that dude has resorted to ridiculous treachery on this show, and the little a-hole (ahem) has a creepy idea of women and relationships, you can totally tell. All the guys on the show are terrified of women due to an intimidation factor, but Pradeep is the kind of guy that turns his own feeling of weakness into anger and resentfulness that becomes a mission of how to get what is owed to him. Ugh. It’s the same thing as when a guy nurses a crush on you for ages and when you gently let him down he starts to hate you and badmouths you to all your friends when you did nothing to deserve it. Nothing!

Mystery said that he was giving the final pick-up artist medallion (hmmm...a little too D&D) to Pradeep because in spite of everything he believed that Pradeep had what it took to become a master pick-up artist. Essentially what I heard was Mystery revealing that the show wasn’t actually a way to help men with low self-esteem learn how to talk to women in the hopes of someday meeting the perfect partner to their eccentricities…

BUT, in fact…

a show where he picks the marginally best looking losers out of a group of nerds and teaches them how to be smarmy and sleazy. Oh yeah, and women are like children (see episode 2—god, why didn’t I stop watching after that).

Mystery, you’re not fooling me anymore. And your stupid fur hat is idiotic. Go back to the hole you crawled out of (your mom’s basement) and take your little medallions with you.

0 Stars. P.S. the goggles are dumb, too.

*Name has been changed because I feel bad calling Jeff Semones geeky.