Reviewed: Mentioning Leo DiCaprio at a party

To clarify, I’m talking about grown-up parties…not frat parties or slumber parties or the Party at the Moon Tower (which I’d like to get invited to before I die). I guess what I’m saying is, parties where most people would consider it unsafe to talk about their sudden and unexplainable love of Leo DiCaprio after seeing Blood Diamond. My problem is that I just don’t understand these limits. So when I found out that the young woman I had been talking to last Saturday had been to Africa…

In my defense, I had just watched the commentary track with director Edward Zwick, and if you haven’t done so yet, do it soon. Zwick is truly an artist and more importantly, a poet. I wish he could commentary my life. He even showed some man-love when pointing out the subtle flex of jaw Leo used in the role.

…but whatever, the girl didn’t need to get all high and mighty. It just supports my theory that most women, especially concerning things like feminism and Justin Timberlake, won’t admit the truth because of a crippling fear they might be judged. So look, Miss I-Thought-We-Were-Really-Clicking-There-For-A-Minute, I’m not afraid to say the truth. And if you want, I’ll burn you a copy of Futuresex/Lovesounds. Just don’t forget that you were the one who knew where he lived and then told me about it, twice. (Yeah, that’s right, I said I know Leo’s address. It’s not like I’m going to do anything about it.)

Honestly, I’m not even sure where I was going with this, so…50 stars, middle of the road.