Monday, April 6, 2009

Reviewed: TLC's I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant

I'm not going to be coy here. You don't need to scroll down to see the star rating, because it would feel wrong to withhold the vital information that this is the

Worst. Show. Ever.

I might even see about getting TLC permanently removed from my cable box.

Yesterday was hangover TV day, which meant an afternoon of movies like Speed Racer (review to follow), The River Wild, and whatever else came on HBO since it hurt too much to find the remote. But then something happened where I started out watching a home improvement show on TLC and next I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant came on.

The dramatizations on this show are even worse than the glory days of Rescue 911. (How do they cast these roles? Is there a special corner in LA where all the dramatization actors wait for casting directors to come by in a pickup truck?)

Here's what happened on last night's show: (Warning: I summarized the following to Joe last night and he made me stop before he threw up.) An overweight woman starts having severe abdominal pain. She goes to the emergency room, where they send her home with muscle relaxers, but the pain doesn't stop. The next day she goes to her chiropractor, who does some funky magic medicine which also does not help relieve her pain. That night, she wakes up with intense pain. She gets up and runs to the bathroom.

Okay. Here is where they show a woman sitting on the toilet in her nightgown. The voiceover is of the real woman saying, "I felt the most intense pressure and urge to push something out of me. I kept pushing and pushing to get it out, and all of a sudden it came out and all the pain was gone." The dramatization shows an actor resembling the woman's husband come into the bathroom. The actress resembling the woman is on the toilet and the actor resembling the husband stares at her. Then the voiceover says, "I heard a cry."

The actress resembling the woman looks at the actor resembling the husband and says, "Did you hear that?" He says, "No."

The actress stands up from the toilet in her nightgown and turns around. Close-up of a bloody infant head peeking out of the toilet. Both actors stare in horror before the woman picks the baby out of the toilet and cradles it to her, exclaiming, "Oh, I love you, my baby!"

Gross. Just....gross. Gross to the reality of that situation, gross to the horrific dramatization, gross to TLC for following these images with footage of the real mother cradling her surprise toilet baby in the park and smiling.

0 Stars.


davida said...

WTF! I have to see this now...

Anonymous said...

My husband and I were watching this and we have a bet-how many women who didn't know they were pregenant were featured in each one hour episode?? If anyone remembers, let me know! Thanks. A one hour massage is riding on this fact! :)

Anonymous said...

truthfully this is the most retarded show ever, because each episode involves the lady being anemic and having the babys umbilical cord around its neck.

Anonymous said...

I've actually acted on this show. Feel free to jump the pickup truck next time and I'll be happy to show you around.

After listening to a woman tell you how she had unexplained congestive heart/kidney failure at 21, only being diagnosed correctly by doctors when she's 34 weeks pregnant... and having to mime that emotion without going a bit overboard... well, I suppose it becomes more about the story than it does the interpretation, doesn't it?

Anonymous said...

wow your blog is really popular isnt' it? The comments are random and months apart so you must be like the least Hit. Site. On. Alexa. Ever. We know what is in your toilet: undigested twinkies and rotten tequila you drunk bitch.