Reviewed: Monkey Bars (Gone Bananas)

I've been waxing poetic lately. Life changes will do that to you, I think, but the purpose of this blog is reviewing things, darn it! For the betterment of peoples' lives! And that is not something to take lightly!

Now that we live close to a Trader Joe's we're pretty much feeding ourselves solely from their shelves. But...they don't carry Ben & Jerry's. And since half my diet is made up of assorted candy and Cherry Garcia FroYo, I've been hurting.

A couple days ago I stood in front of their frozen section and pondered these chocolate-dipped frozen bananas. Healthy, right? Plus, they have chocolate. And, on a stick. Win-win-win. After I bought them I kept forgetting what they were actually called and referring to them as the Monkey Bars. The first night, after dinner I thought, "I'm going to have one of those Monkey Bars."

I went into it badly. I kept thinking, this is what I'm eating instead of ice cream. And that's not really giving it a fair shot.

To be honest, it isn't that much different, consistency-wise, than a frozen, chocolate-dipped ice cream bar. But I was still thinking, this is what I'm eating instead of ice cream. And I was asking myself, is it good? Do I like it? And Joe was looking at me, and asking, is it good? Can you handle it?

I took 4 bites...and then I realized, no. No, I cannot handle it.

I put the rest of the Monkey Bar back in its package and dropped it back into the freezer, knowing full well that Joe hates bananas and also hates when I leave half-eaten things lying around. But's its a frozen half-eaten thing. And it's called Gone Bananas, which is really a much stupider name than Monkey Bars.

25 Stars. Do-able, but only if you already hate ice cream.

Reviewed: A Friend Goes Twosies in Your Bathroom

Joe used to make his friends drive home if they had to. But yesterday, a friend from out of town said, during a lull in the conversation, “I kind of have to go to the bathroom again.”

I said, “So go.”

“It’s number two,” he said. “But I noticed that your bathroom is equipped with a fan.”

I told him fine, as long as he lit a candle. (We have one in there. A fan can only do so much, and is not good for short-term remedy.) Before he made his way to the bathroom he said, “See? Now I know we are good friends.” It took about 5 minutes, giving me plenty of time to check my e-mail and voice messages. Afterwards, we had snacks. He even went back after sufficient time had passed to turn off the fan, saving electricity.

25 Stars, because really, how can it be more, and that’s only because I added 10 stars for slipping in the sneaky “good friend” compliment.